When Things Seem Impossible

I'm not sure where to start. There is so much. This week has been so full of all kinds of ups and downs. I am utterly exhausted right now...emotionally and physically.

I am sitting here typing in a hotel in Tennessee. It's a long story so I think I'm going to have to start at the beginning...

Bill told me about a week and a half ago that he was going to start looking more aggressively outside of WI for a job. It just seems like there has been nothing but dead ends here. Saturday He applied to a bunch of out of state jobs. Monday he heard from 3 of them. Two of them didn't pan out but the third one e-mailed right back and set Bill up with a phone interview Monday night. Bill got off the phone from his interview and told me all about it. It was an entry level position in his field...the catch was the location was in Tennessee.

When he told me this I felt my heart drop and my gut felt sick. He was talking so fast, my head started spinning. They wanted to meet with him in person by the end of the week. And then he said something that horrified me. If they offered him the job he could start the following week. WHAT?! My stomach knotted even more. This is impossible. It is way too fast. We can't just pick up and leave.

I seriously cried like a baby for two days! It was pretty ridiculous. I wanted so badly to be rational with Bill, but every time we sat down to talk I kept crying. I can't explain it, maybe it's because my heart longs to stay here where our church is; I don't know but something just didn't feel right. We have known that God would somehow provide, but I just didn't expect it to be so hard.

I got on my knees many times and wept before the Lord. I prayed that He would "save" us...make another way if possible. I knew that if it was His will that I would have to accept it. I prayed for His will to be done.

I had called my friend Janel and explained everything that was going on. Her husband Warren had been tying to set a date for Bill to go Geo cashing with him and a guy that he works with (that happens to be one of the head guys in the IT department where Warren works.) Warren wanted Bill to meet the guy maybe just as a chance to get to know him. They weren't hiring but Warren thought it could be good meet him just in case some day they did decide to hire. Janel said that Warren was going to make it for sometime this week. I told her that God was going to have to act quick and open the doors to a job in our area because it was looking like the job in TN was a REAL possibility.

Things were beginning to feel impossible...

Tuesday evening Warren called and asked Bill if Thursday night would be ok to go Geo Cashing. Bill agreed...it sounded like fun, but Bill figured that it wouldn't turn into a job possibility.

Wednesday morning I met a friend for coffee. While we were out Janel called and said Warren had been trying to reach us. A job had opened up where he worked!!! He was on his way to our house to drop off the information at our house. He left a message that Bill should get over there that day and hand in his resume.

I ran home after coffee and got a hold of Bill. I explained to him what happened. He printed out his resume and planned to stop there after work and turn it in. Seriously I think I paced the house for the next 2 hours until Bill came home. This was insane. I had been praying all week that God would open a door.

After what seemed like forever Bill came home. He said he turned it in and that was that. He didn't figure he would hear from them in awhile...if at all. I told him, "we don't know what is going to happen. We serve a God who deals with the impossible." A few minutes later the phone rang. It was them....they wanted Bill to come in for an interview Wednesday morning! Bill has NEVER gotten a call back and interview scheduled so fast. Only by the hand of God was this all happening.

Wow God!!! That was all I could think.

His interview went well Wednesday. He came home smiling. I felt hope and peace. Bill really liked the guys that he interviewed with. They were funny and laid back. He told me that this would honestly be his dream job. They told him that he was pretty much the last guy to be interviewed for the job. They would be starting second interviews next week. So, that meant we wouldn't know until next week if he would even get a second interview.

We decided that he should still go to TN on Saturday because he needed to keep his options open. I was also starting to feel like I should go with him. It is a 10 hour drive and I wanted to be there to support him. Bill's mom agreed to take all 3 kiddos so I could go with.

Ok,so Thursday rolls around. Bill goes Geo cashing with Warren and one of the guys that had interviewed him on Wednesday. Obviously that was God ordained...planned before there was even a job opening. Anyway, Bill was told that night that they are going to give him a second interview.

Once again God did something we didn't think would happen. We found out that before Saturday (which I had been praying would happen. Amazing!

About a month ago I started wondering if it would be selfish to ask God if Bill and I could have a little time away...time to ourselves. I just felt like we needed a break. But, I knew we would never have the money to get away. I hoped it could happen but shelved that thought.

This may not seem like the ideal get away...and our futures are really hanging in the balance right now. Between two jobs. We don't know if he will get either one. But we KNOW that God is in control and that He orchestrates EVERYTHING! I get time away with my hubby. God is so so good to us. I am just overwhelmed at how God works, and how much He loves us.

I am sitting here waiting for Bill to get back to find out how his meeting here has gone. I am praying for God's will, for wisdom and that we would accept whatever it is that the Lord has planned. He has given me peace and I am resting in that for the moment.

Please continue to pray with us friends. Sounds like the job in our area is possibly between him and another guy ("Goliath" as Bill calls him...of course I reminded him that God caused David to win!) who has way more experience and credentials. I REALLY want Bill to get this job!!! But, we are praying for God's will, for peace of mind, and Patience to wait. God has ordained all these little details...it is truly amazing...only God could arrange such impossible circumstances. If Bill were to get this job it would be TOTALLY God!!

Now I am going to go relax with my Savior and wait for my hubby to return.

Until later...

Honor Your Husband Challenge

I have read about this challenge on about 7 blogs I read. I was really excited about it, but things have been so crazy around here that I didn't have time to start right away. Anyway, I am joining in late. I feel like this is very timely for me to do with everything we have going on.

I have been wanting to read the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerics...I am going to start that this week.

My goals for this week:
1.) Get up in the morning and see Bill out the door to work
2.) Pray more diligently and specifically every morning for him
3.) I want so much to be an encouragement to Bill with his job search and be supportive
4.)No complaining about the kids when he come comes home

Bill and I just celebrated 7 years together in June. It has been a privilege to be married to him. I couldn't have asked God for someone who was made more perfect for me. I love Bill so much and am so thankful that I get to be his wife.

My desire is to be the wife that he needs. I know that I am going to need strength from the Lord to do that. The Lord has really been stretching me as a wife. I have such a wonderful husband...but finding a way to be an encouragement has been hard. I am so excited about doing this...I want to be a blessing to my husband.

A treasure amidst the junk

Yesterday was a work day for us around the house. I worked in the basement cleaning up all our storage and purging everything we don't use or need anymore. Bill worked outside on the cars. The kids helped with odds and ends. It felt good to get so much done. We were tired by the time we put the kids to bed. So, Bill and I built a fire in the fire pit and sat around and enjoyed it...relaxing after a good day of hard work. I love days like that!

Anyway, while I was in the basement I came across a few note cards sitting on top of one of the boxes. They were notes I had from one of the speeches I had given while in Bible collage. I'm not sure why they were just sitting there...but I picked them up and read through them. I was totally blown away at how timely they were. It was like God placed them there just to remind me of His goodness, His perfect plan and His love for me.

"When I learn to say yes to God's will I am no longer preoccupied with myself, my abilities or the dreams for my life. Letting go of my dreams means my future will not be the way I always expected it to be. Only then, when I have released my death grip on what I believe God should do, the way I believe He should do it, and when I believe it should happen, am I free to fully receive what God has for me. If God calls me to put my dreams on the alter, I need to trust Him to replace them or revive them in a way that makes the original pale by comparison." quote by Gary Mayes

God you are so good to give me this reminder. Notes from a speech I gave so long ago...I am amazed that I came across them. Oh Father I surrender everything to You. All my hopes all my dreams....my life is in your hands to do what you want with it. You are so good and gracious to me. Your love amazes and humbles me. When I feel like darkness has surrounded me, you pull me out and into the light. I stand in awe. I am waiting on you, in your time to reveal what it is you have planned. I know it will be above and beyond what my dreams could ever be. It may not come in the form of anything I have imagined but I trust in you Father! I love you!

Waiting

I have shared a few times that God is doing so much in my life and heart right now. I am humbled that He cares about me so much to teach me. The past few months He has been showing me once again how important His Word is, and how much I need it to survive. It has not been easy but I have been really making an effort to get up early to get into God's Word. I am treasuring my time with Him. His Word is so amazing and alive. It is like salve to my wounded soul...it brings me so much peace and joy. I find myself falling more in love with my savior...and my soul yearning to be with Him.

Yesterday was hard. I'm not really sure why....things just hit me. I spent the last 2 days crying and pouring my heart out before the Lord. In my time with Him, He gave me a few scriptures,

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Cor. 4:16-18

And,
"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Col. 3:1-3

My heart was so encouraged by this. I need to have the right perspective. I wrestled with God and cried to Him to please give me peace in my heart and repair the holes...and He has. I have so much peace right now I can't even describe it. He has calmed my fears about the unknown. I really don't know what God has in store for our family, but I trust in Him. I feel like I have strength that I know is only from Him. My spirit feels renewed.

I said the other day that I am not sure how much longer I can sit by and watch Bill take rejection after rejection. And while that is still the case...it still tugs at my heart, I know that God is using all of this for His glory and to shape us and teach us. I have been blessed with a wonderfully sweet humble husband...who comforts me with his words, when I should be the one doing the comforting.

Wednesday night, My friend Janel was so kind to watch Anna at VBS for me, and Bill's mom watched the boys, and I took Bill out for a date. We just grabbed .25 cent sodas from Wal-mart and went up on the bluff that over looks lake Michigan, to talk. It was good for us...what we needed. We talked about fun stuff and enjoyed each other. Then we talked about some heart issues. I am still sad for Bill and his struggle to find a job. He is such a godly man.. I just want so badly for God to make Him feel validated. Bill's hope is in Christ. He is content in Him...he told me so. He prayed a beautiful prayer last night with the kids and I. I know his heart and his desire to serve the Lord.

When the Lord asked us to stay out of missions...or at least closed that door...we thought that this was what we were supposed to do. Right now we are waiting, waiting, waiting. My heart sometimes hurts, and in moments of weakness I have fear. But then I look up and see that my God is in control and that He loves me so much. Right now I feel even more love for my God and my husband.

Thank you friends for your words of encouragement. Thank you for your prayers...it is so appreciated

I am keeping my eyes up. A new day will dawn and God will get all the glory. We give Him all our praise.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:26-31

Please pray

God is good! He has been and is so good to us. But I would just ask that those of you out there that read this please pray for me. I don't know how to be an encouragement to Bill. He just came home and told me that the one job we thought he might get, he was turned down for. It is another blow to him. How many more times do I have to watch him be crushed?....it is breaking me. My heart is so heavy. I am trying so hard to be an encouragement. I even hid my tears from him. I am just so sad right now. I am going right now to lay before my Father in Heaven.

Please understand, I am not complaining. My heart is just so very heavy...I covet your prayers!

my song

*Edited to add: Shortly after...within 10 minutes or so of posting this...Bill came home with the above news. Maybe it's another test.

My soul cries out to you oh Lord. You seem so silent. I can't seem to hear your voice. What is it that you want? What do you want from me? I am your servant. I want to be used. But yet you remain silent. I know you are there...but I don't feel it. Help me to be still and know that you are God...not to get anxious. My hope is in you Oh Lord. I trust in you even when I cannot hear or see or feel. I Know you have a plan. Thank you that you give peace that passes all understanding. Thank you Lord for your grace and love to me. I don't know why my heart is sad. I feel guilty about it. I know you provide...I know that you do above and beyond all that we can imagine. So why do I give in to discouragement at times? Help me to have more faith. Oh God I need you...I feel so weak. I need your strength. I pray that our family would be a testimony for you. I am laying it all down at your feet Lord...I need your rest. Help me to walk in your light and your truth. My soul yearns to be with you. I love you my Abba my God.


Oh Lord I'm weak
Oh Lord I'm frail
Oh Lord I can't seem
To get up on my own

I'm weary of striving
I'm loosing hope fast
I'm fighting to let go
of your loving hand

Chorus,
Lord lift me up to see you face
To the place where I can rest
Hold me in your arms secure and tight
I know you'll never let me go
No matter how much I might fight
Oh your loving hand is always over me

My heart is anxious
All tied up in knots
Cause I want to know
What you've planned or me

I'm tired of trying
My heart is so sick
Oh Lord please lift
Lift me up once again

Chorus,
Lord lift me up to see you face
To the place where I can rest
Hold me in your arms secure and tight
I know you'll never let me go
No matter how much I might fight
Oh your loving hand is always over me
Words and music by Me (March 7, 1999)

Psalm 62:5-8
My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Full Hands

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them...

Psalm 127:4, 5(a)

Their Father

Blessed to have such a great Dad.

Happy Father's Day.

We love you!

My Father

My dad with my kiddos

My dad came out to see us last weekend. We had a really good time with him. He always manages to spoil us when he comes to town. :) We were sad to see him go (not because of all the spoiling)...we love having him here and look forward to the next time he flys in.

Just wanted to say thanks dad for everything you've done. You mean so much to Bill and I and the kids. I know we had a few rough years when I was a teenager, but God has been good. We serve a mighty God who restores the locusts eaten years. I am so thankful to have you and for the man of God you are. Thank you for your words of wisdom and the prayers that you have offered to the Father on our behalf. I am so very blessed to have you as my dad!

yep thats me as a baby with my dad!

Fishing with my dad

I Love you dad! Happy Father's day!

Labor Pains part 1

I have so much on my heart right now. I don't even know how to explain it. I feel heavy but light...sadness but full of joy all at the same time.

The Lord is doing something in my life right now...some of which hurts. Of course sacrifice always comes with pain...but joy usually follows. It's like giving birth...it sure is painful to go through at the moment, but as soon as that new life comes forth, an overwhelming joy washes over. The joy ultimately supersedes and is even more powerful than pain...and, you are left with something beautiful which was worth all the pain or sadness in the world.

I knew from the time I placed my faith in Christ at a young age, that He wanted me and was going to use me. Not because I was anything special, but because I was His child and I knew that was what He wanted for me. I felt called to missions and wanted to spread the good news to a dying world.

So many of my life decisions were based on that fact. After High school I went to New Tribes Bible Institute. I went on a short term missions trip to PNG. I met, fell in love with and married a man who had the same passion I did. We moved back to WI to get involved in the Church Bill had grown up in so they could be our sending church. We filled out all our paper work and were penciled in to go to the New Tribes Missions Institute in PA. Then we had our meeting with our pastors. We were given the news that they were not going to send us. After much prayer they felt that it wasn't the right time for us to go. They wanted us to get more involved in our church before we went on. (We had been living here for about 6 months at that point).

Bill and I felt the blow. I think we both felt shocked and a little dizzy...we never saw that coming. We both loved and respected our pastors so much and trusted that the Lord, for whatever reason had led them to this decision. Honestly it didn't make much sense to us, but we trusted them and the Lord's leading.

After about a year and half had gone by and we were involved heavily in the church...we came to a crossroads. Our church still had not decided to send us on. Bill was having trouble keeping a job without having any degree (other than a Bible degree). We prayed about it, not knowing if God was ever going to let us go. We came to the decision that Bill needed to go back to school. We were unprepared to have a back up plan, but it appeared that now one was needed.

This was a hard decision for both of us to make. That meant even if the Lord lead us back to overseas missions, it was going to be a very long time before that ever happened. It also meant that quite possibly we would never go.

My heart broke. Was the Lord really asking us to lay aside our dreams of how we thought we were to serve Him...and just trust Him? We had peace about Bill going back to school.

4 1/2 years later....brings us to the present. Bill now has his degree under his belt after many years of hard work. Now we are just waiting and wondering at what God wants for us....wondering at what God has in store for our family.

I have been reading Francine River's, "As Sure As The Dawn". Her books are so great and always make me think. One thing I read the other day really made me catch my breath,

"More often than not, I take my salvation for granted. I fill my mind with unimportant things...Oh, that God would put it in my head and heart what he has done for me every morning as I awaken."
"So be it," Theophilus said, his voice gruff with emotion. How many times had he found himself caught up in the plans for serving the Lord in the future, rather than praising Him now."

It hit me that in the past I spent so much time looking towards the future, and how I was going to serve the Lord then, and not now. Oh, I served the Lord...and for the most part with the right heart and attitude, but I honestly didn't think my life's purpose would be fulfilled until I was overseas serving the Lord. Nothing seemed as important as spreading the Gospel...everything else just paled in comparison.

I am just beginning to realize that maybe, just maybe the Lord has used me, even if it has been in a small way, to impact eternity. It certainly has not been in a way that I thought, but I know that God's ways are so different than my own. I am His humble servant and I just long to be open for whatever He wants.

Being open to what He wants is so often hard. Sometimes I feel like He keeps asking my to lay aside what I thought He wanted me to do. Although maybe I try and hold on too tightly to what I forget is not mine. Everything belongs to Him...my kids...my husband...my ministry...my belongings. When He asks me to change direction I know I need to say, "ok Lord. I trust in you." James 4:14-15 "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that."

I want to praise Him today and forget about tomorrow.

The labor pains are beginning again...I can feel them coming. My soul groans in anticipation... Something beautiful is about to be born.

Bragging Rights?

It has been awhile since I got on here. It's been a busy week. My dad is flying in tonight from Utah and will be here all weekend. Yea!! We have not seen him since October. My babies have gotten so big since then...it's going to be a busy fun filled weekend.

Anyway, the actual reason I am on here tonight is just to brag a little. yeah that sounds kind of bad...but I really think I have good reason. I have to announce that I think I have the sweetest husband! Last week he told me that he had a surprise for me. He said it was something that I would love. So I patiently waited to find out what it was. Today my surprise came in the mail. Guess what it is?! A Dyson D14 Full kit Vacuum!!! Woo hoo! I was totally surprised. Bill is so cautious in what he buys. I never would have thought. He said he found it for a REALLY good deal...never seen the price that low.

I had mentioned a few months ago that this was something that I would like to have...but figured that it wouldn't be possible. He remembered that. When he found one for such a great price he got it for me. I have to say, I am probably the happiest housewife tonight! I vacuumed the living room 3 times...and then the rest of the house. It was so amazing. My old vacuum was so loud that you really needed to wear ear plugs to use it. The Dyson is so quiet. And, it picked up so much dirt (I just vacuumed yesterday with my old one.)

Ok, enough gushing. I love the vacuum. But I love Bill more! I am just so touched at his thoughtfulness. What a sweet man I have!!

7 Years to Celebrate!

7 years ago I married my best friend on June 3, 2000. Praise God for the wonderful man He blessed me with. I pray that our marriage would bring glory to our redeemer!



for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.

Ruth 1:16-17